Valentine’s Day is coming and love is in the air at The Joy Club. We asked member Kathy Feest to tell us all about what ‘love’ means to her…
My thoughts on love…
What can I say about love? There is so much to say but surely it’s all been said? But as it is Valentine’s Day, and I’ve been asked for my thoughts on the subject, I thought I’d give it my go. And that’s the thing isn’t it? My love is not yours, or anyone else’s either. We can learn from each other, we can develop our understanding of what we think others are trying to tell us about love, but in the end, we have to find our own way. Like so much else in life!
There are so many beneficiaries of our love. Other human beings, our kids, countries or places, even outfits we wear (!) animals or plants (Prince Charles says he talks to his plants – I’m sure he must love them!)
Despite all these recipients of our love, on Valentine’s Day the focus surely must be on Romantic Love. The HappilyEverAfter kind of love.
As someone who has indeed found the long term – till death us do part love – I can merely offer my thoughts on how we have maintained our love after thirty five years. Simple. In a word – magic! Magic indeed keeps us in love as our hair turns grey and our skin wrinkles. When our bodies carry extra pounds and our minds settle on the injuries in our life rather than the good bits, that’s when the magic really kicks in – usually accompanied by a fulsome hug.
When we first found each other we also remembered not to lose ourselves. We continue to come together and discover and rediscover each other as we grow. The initial almost miraculous magic of having met in the first place has been honed and stored in memories of our shared experiences.
“Like two birds in flight, we share the sky and fly next to each other”
Underpinning our relationship is a deep and profound sense of security. We both trust that we will be there for each other. No matter what life throws at us, we believe in each other’s love. We treat each other with a delicious delicacy and can rely on each other. While we give each other time and attention, we don’t forget to look after our own needs and desires. Like two birds in flight, we share the sky and fly next to each other – taking different routes at times, but always returning to each other’s side.
Our rich treasure-house of a life of shared experiences enables us to get past the day to day little idiosyncrasies that could drive each of us nuts. A remembered moment from our past and poof! All is well. Sharing takes negotiation and balance. We nourish each other and continually develop who we are. A sense of humour helps.
Of course, we argue from time to time. There are recurring themes that occur, and each time they do we dig deeper and look at the issue from a different angle. I am good at yelling, my man is good at that too…arghhh!! – but we get there, or rather here. Because here is so good. Hugs, kisses and the rest are part of who we are as a couple. Magic!
“Make your own kind of magic. It’s in your hands.”
Love is active and our actions have built our love and continually develop it beyond that first flush that we saw on movie screens, which made us reach for it in the first place.
Romantic love? You bet! Make your own kind of magic. It’s in your hands. It takes work. But then, love is worth the effort. It’s the most special magic in the world.
Happy Valentine’s Day!
Kathy writes her own blog, Feest Isolation Days – Reflections from self-isolation in Bristol, which she has updated every day since the start of the first lockdown in 2020. You can read it here.